so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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