I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
