and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
