And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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