i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
