He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
