So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
