Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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