i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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