My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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