How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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