so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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