i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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