a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
