My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
