Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
