I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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