you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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