Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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