he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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