She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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