He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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