Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
