I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
