Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is wine microwaveable?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
