I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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