I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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