I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
