There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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