I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need a beard to bite.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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