Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
