And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
