mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
