Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
