that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
