Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
