the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
