I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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