I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
