I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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