just come out here and I will go home with you...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
