She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
