Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
