Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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