Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
