I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
