The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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