I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
