How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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