At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
