there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
