Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
is it fun? or sober?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
