Define "chronic" masturbator.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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