i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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