I look better un-naked...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
