Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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