I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
