Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
