So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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