Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
