Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
